Monday, February 2, 2015

Guilty as Charged

I tapped my fingers impatiently on my desk, earning a glare from the judge and the prosecutor. My client, Mr. Kantilal did not look any happier. I did not blame him, considering the fact that I looked like I would rather be somewhere else. I indeed would rather be where Ani needed me. Ani aka Aniruddh, friend, guide, co-conspirator and partner in crime. I have known Ani my whole life, we have been neighbours and friends ever since I was born, well practically since I was born.

My phone buzzed for the nth time, vibrating silently in my pocket. I knew it was him. Ani had called me about 50 times in the past hour. The especially crabby Judge Gupta had not deigned to grant us a recess. He wanted the day over with and was anxious to bring our case to a close. The prosecutor droned on with his closing argument. I hoped that the judge's bored expression meant it would end in a favorable decision for us. Harsh Uncle and Maya Aunty were like my second set of parents, I lived with them all day almost, going home only to sleep.

Ani rubbed his forehead in frustration as he glanced at the clock. It was already 6. Where was Kiran when he needed her? He sank down on the wooden bench next to him. Even if she made it on time, there was nothing more either of them could do about it today. There were going to be some serious consequences indeed. Maya was sitting hunched over in a corner of the police station, trying to disappear into the drab olive coloured wall. She looked bewildered, embarassed and hurt all at the same time. He wondered if she even understood what was happening around her.The sun was going down and no relief seemed visible on the horizon. He closed his eyes and resigned himself to a long night. How had this come to pass? He still couldn't register half of what was going on.

It was over a year ago when he met her for the first time. Kirti had flown down to Delhi that weekend, their meeting arranged by some common family friends. Harsh and Maya had already been having conversations with Raghav, Kirti's father. Kirti and Ani had been happy to oblige them with a meeting. She had charmed him at first sight. Bubbly, energetic, funny and intelligent, she seemed the perfect girl to come home to. Secure in her own skin, she was one of the most confident and beautiful people he had ever met. Kirti had grown up without her mother for most of her life and was deeply attached to her father and brother. Ani was completely bowled over by her at that first meeting.

I remember Ani raving about Kirti when he came back that night. "What do you think then?" Maya Aunty asked him. "She's perfect," he said dreamily. Maya Aunty smiled to herself. She had succeeded in her mission, to find a bride her son was completely smitten with. That night as we watched the stars lying on the moonlit terrace, all he could talk about was Kirti. Ani was at her beck and call since then, I thought showed Kirti's maturity and understanding that she did not manipulate him to suit herself. 

What followed were months of angsty phone calls, tearful flights to Mumbai and a whirlwind romance- all on Ani's part. They planned the wedding together, Ani giving precedence to her finer taste. They shopped together and organised everything together. One evening when I bounced into their house, I found Maya Aunty sitting at the dimly lit dining table flipping through bridal magazines absently. "Aunty, is something wrong? Is there anything you want to discuss with Ani and Kirti about the wedding?" "Of course not, Kiran, I was just picking out my outfits from these. Anyway, Kirti's wedding should be her own special day, I was just wishing I could have planned mine. " No matter, Aunty. You can plan mine. I am sure Mom and Dad will be more than happy to have your expert advice. I am warning you though, it'll be a long time coming."

Maya stood by Harsh at the entrance to the wedding hall. They were welcoming guests at Ani's wedding and she still couldn't believe it. Her little pudding of a child all grown up and getting married. It didn't help with the disbelief that to her it hardly looked like a wedding. Kirti's minimalist, clean cut style with muted tones and hues was so very different from her own jolly view of variegated reds and pinks. This was definitely not a Big Fat over-the-top Indian Wedding. But as Harsh reminded her, all that mattered was the smile on Ani's face.

Maya worried over what happened next. Kirti chose to stay based out of Mumbai in her consulting job, waiting for a suitable opportunity to come up in Delhi. Ani still lived at home. She had thought he might want to move to Mumbai himself. However, his new job and Kirti wanting to try and find a job in Delhi herself had kept him at home. He visited Kirti on the weekends. She was quick to defend Kirti whenever the women in the neighborhood tried to needle her into gossiping. "The poor child, she travels through the week and I can understand that she would like to stay at home. They need some time by themselves. I don't blame her for that." Ani was a great comfort to his mom when Harsh was away on his long business trips.

Ani had been Aunty's pillar when they received the news that changed their world forever. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Harsh uncle had met with an accident on the way home from the airport. We were all shell shocked, that we would never see his smile, his ringing laugh welcoming you to his house. We all grieved, months flew by like a daze. Then one day, we woke up and moved on. Except that Maya Aunty couldn't. Ani often saw her wandering about through the house aimlessly. She served him meals at haphazard times. I found her sleeping whenever I came to visit and lost items in the house turned up at unexpected locations.

I volunteered to take her to the hospital. Ani was having a tough few weeks at work. In the end, I wished I hadn't. The prognosis wasn't something I wanted him to hear from me- early onset Alzheimers. Maya Aunty spent the day in bed, staring at the ceiling, her eyes filled with unshed tears. Sacrifices had to be made. Ani couldn't make them, so Kirti had to. 6 months into the marriage, Kirti found herself in Maya Aunty's house. I am not sure that it made her very happy.

Every evening these past few months when I returned from work, I would find her at my door, waiting for me. Now I found that a bit weird, Kirti didn't always like my company, probably because I was Ani's best friend. It wasn't jealousy or anything, just awkwardness from all our shared memories. That was the only time she could get away, aunty was usually sleeping at that time. I knew what Kirti missed, she had lived only with roommates her age or alone and living in Maya Aunty's house wasn't exactly the future she had envisioned.

Kirti sat slumped against the wall after they had left. She did not have the energy to cry. All she could remember was the look on Maya's face when she was escorted out of the house. 6 months ago, when she moved in, she did not ever anticipate that this could happen. When they first started living together, she and Ani had begun to discover things about each other that they did not like very much. She hated how he threw himself into his work, leaving her to pick up the pieces.  He hated her temper and how she held on to a grudge. Ani had known how much she resented putting her career on the backburner. Just on the cusp of a promotion and transfer to Delhi.

In the beginning, it wasn't very hard. Maya was still in possession of most of her faculties and could take care of herself. Kirti saw the glimpses of her beautiful charming mother-in-law peeking through the veils of the disorder and wished she had gotten to know her better. She worked out a routine and managed to find time to go over to Kiran's place and chat. She was glad to make a new friend in Delhi, no matter that she was her husband's bestie. Her dad managed to come over a couple of times, and though she met him outside the house for the sake of convenience she was glad to see them so often.

Then gradually, it got harder. Kirti often found Maya in tears, unable to remember how to perform a simple personal task. She pushed away her help and sat sobbing through the day in frustration. She made herself sick overeating . She woke up with no sense of her surroundings and often reacted with aggression at the people around her. This last month, Kirti had been exhausted, cleaning up after Maya, helping her with every tiny task. Sometimes, it felt like she had a newborn in the house. Lack of sleep fogged her brain and made her irritable and snappy, she could feel control and cognition eluding her grasp. She couldn't do this any longer.

Ani was wishing, he had listened to Kirti when she had tried to talk to him. Instead he had brushed her off thinking it would be another diatribe on her usual topic of quitting her job on his insistence. She had probably been trying to tell him that something was going to go wrong. He had been in the middle of a client meeting, when his secretary dashed in to inform him that there had been an accident at the house. He called Kirti only to hear a garbling at the other end. It took a neighbour and five minutes to discover that his mother had been arrested. He had driven like a mad man to the Marudnagar police station and then started calling Kiran desperately until he finally heard her reassuring voice at the other end.

Kirti called me when I was on the way to the police station. She wanted me to hear her side before I met Ani. She wanted me to help Ani understand. That afternoon, Kirti had gotten a call from Sanju, her brother. He was passing through Delhi on a school trip and wanted to see her. She was too tired and fuzz brained to imagine stepping out of the house. Sanju was looking forward to a home cooked meal after days away at NCC camp and she couldn't bear to disappoint him.

Then she said, it all happened so quickly. She was so tired from her sleepless nights that she had collapsed with a book on the bed. This instead of keeping her awake put her to sleep. Her nap was broken by a high pitched wailing followed by assorted screaming and whining. By the time, she cleared the sleep from her eyes and made her way to the living room, it was all done. She had fallen to the floor, hitting the wall on the way. Sanju stood at the door, a red slash across his white shirt. Some concerned neighbours stood clustered around him and just in front of her at the open door was Maya, a pair of scissors in her hand.

Ani was getting a headache wondering how he could have missed all the signs. Kirti's exhaustion and Maya's deterioration. Kirti hadn't heard the doorbell and Maya, who she imagined had also been sleeping, had answered the door, with a pair of scissors in her hand. None of them had had any idea of the delusions that were haunting her in those days. It had taken Sanju's accident and a trip to the police station to wake him up.

Being around Ani's family the next few weeks, the predominant emotion I could sense and feel was guilt. Ani was guilty for being so much at work that he had ignored his sick mother and neglected his tired wife. Kirti was guilty for not taking care of and losing a mother yet again. Her injured brother only added to the burden on her shoulders. I was guilty for not noticing anything from the perspective of the outsider. I was the only one who knew and understood or claimed to understand all of them and I never saw this coming. Maya Aunty was feeling guilty too, but she felt that way without even realizing what she had done.

That was how I found myself sitting across from Maya Aunty at Sunnyside Villas, an assisted living facility for the elderly. Kirti sat next to me with a basket of Maya Aunty's childhood favourites. I had her favourite Shakespeare play in her hand. Maya Aunty, turned to us and began , " Do you remember.. "

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